Total Drama England

Total Drama England is the second story of Toad and Nduke's collab series. 20 new contestants move to England and compete for one billion dollars! But with Jack the Ripper and psychotic tourists, who will win the billion bucks? Tune in to the best season yet on Total... Drama.... England! This story is rated PG for crude humor, mild violence, and some minor swearing.

Contestants
Bess- The Farm Girl

Bez- The Annoying Fatty

B.M. - The Neat Freak

Caterina- The Naive Sweetheart

Christina- The Youtuber

Crystalia - The Famemonger

Jane - The Innocent Girl

Keenan- The Amiable Guy

Lucky- The Total Drama Fanatic

Madea- The Mad Black Woman

Mary Sue- The Flawless Girl

Melissa- The Alternative Chick

Milo- The Wild Guy

Nicki- The Talentless Rapper

Oz- The Obese Comic Guy

Phillip- The Disturbing Kid

Quincy- The Mad Scientist

Raquel- The Teen Mom

Scar- The Bad Boy

Tess- The Compulsive Liar

Troy- The Abhorrent Singer

Wazz Khalifa- The Annoying Rapper

Chapter 1: Yankee Doodles Came To Town...
"And... we're back! Last time in this series, Caterina emerged victorious over Abby, who received second place. But now we've got twenty new contestants traveling to England to compete for one billion dollars! But for now... we're in a crappy airport in New York, please welcome back Chef Hatchet!" Chris exclaims.

The camera turns to Chef and he smiles deviously back at it.

Chris raises an eyebrow and says, "Uh... okay. Anyways, the twenty contestants are a lot more weirder than the previous season!"

"Weirder than Phillip!?" Chef gasps.

"Yes Chef, weirder than Phillip, scary I know." Chris nods.

"So when do the contestants begin to arrive?" says Chef.

Chris motions Chef to follow him. He says, In a few minutes... and uh, I kinda ordered a private jet to England, so you should get cooking dude!"

"What!? I was in such a good mood, and then you ruin it... I'll get cooking see ya later, pretty boy!"

"What's his deal?" says The cameraman.

"Aah, he'll get over it, oh look, the first contestants arrived!" says Chris excitedly.

"Hey Chris!" says a boy with a blue t-shirt and brown pants.

"Welcome Keenan! Sorry you got cut from that one series.." Chris says apologetically.

"Oh, don't worry about it, I've been kicking back surfing," says Keenan, "This series will be a lot better than the one I got cut from, for sure."

"Well, alright then. Take a seat and wait for the other contestants' arrival." says Chris, pointing to the bench.

"Alright! Good thing I brought The Surfing Games! The second book is going to be released while we're in England... can we make a stop in a London bookstore to buy it Chris?" says Keenan.

"Sure.." says Chris sarcastically.

"Sweet! Thanks man!" says Keenan happily, cracking his book open.

"Ooh! The second contestant has arrived!" says Chris happily, pointing to the plane.

The second plane arrived, landing right next to Chris. A boy with a green shirt and blue shorts hopped out, snapping his fingers, "Hey, it's Chris McLean!"

"Yes! Don't be afraid to ooohh and aaahh at my hunkiness." says Chris.

"Oh, don't worry about that." says Bez.

"What? Have you seen my stubble? I'm nothing witout my stubble!" says Chris

"Yeah.... so?" says Bez.

"Just go sit down..." says Chris, sighing.

"Hey... hey... hey... hey... hey... what's your name? Hey... hey.. hey... hey?" says Bez, poking Keenan.

"Oh hey, what's up dude?" says Keenan. "I'm Keenan, nice to meet you!"

"Uh... nice to meet you too... I'm Bez." says Bez.

"Ooh look, the next contestant has arrived!" says Chris gleefully.

The third plane arrived, with a girl with a purple shirt and daisy dukes on. "I have arrived! Ah man, I miss my daughter already!" says the girl sadly.

"Daughter?" says Bez, puzzled.

"Yes, she's one already!" says the girl matter-of-factly.

"How old are you?!" says Bez.

"Sixteen, duh." says the girl.

"Does anyone have a cheeseburger I could eat, do ya, do ya, do ya, do ya?!" says Bez.

"Ugh! I had one for my lunch, and I was saving my second for later, but you can have it if it will shut you up! Everyone, please welcome Raquel, take a seat Raquel." says Chris.

"Uh... okay, thanks!" says Raquel.

"Awesome, thanks Chris!" says Bez.

"No problem! Now sit down so we can get on with the show!" says Chris, now looking red in the face.

"Jeez, chill out bro... hey... hey... hey.. hey.. Keenan?" says Bez, poking Keenan again.

"Hey Bez, did you need something?" says Keenan.

"Nope. Raquel.. Raquel.. Raquel.. Raquel... Raquel.. Raquel?" says Bez.

"What do you want now!? Can't you see im tryping with my fiancee Drew and my daughter?!" says Raquel.

"Do you like baseball?" says Bez.

"Yeah." says Raquel. "Can I be left alone now?"

"Hey! No electronics!" says Chris, running to Raquel's and breaking it.

"Ugh, whatever." says Raquel. "Just hurry on with the show, introduce the next contestant."

"Fine, please welcome our next competitor, Troy!" says Chris excitedly.

The fourth plane lands, startling Raquel. A boy with Justin Keifer hair steps out, wearing a white and red track suit.

"High School Musical... Yeahhhhh!" says Troy, singing.

"Boo! You stink!" says a grumpy old lady, throwing a tomato in Troy's hair.

"My hair!" says Troy, looking terrified. "Wow, I never knew old ladies could be that awesome!" says Raquel.

"Ugh thanks a lot, I'm Troy, and Pacific High rules!" says Troy.

"Hey... hey... hey.. hey.. hey..." says Bez, now poking Troy.

"Yes?" says Troy irritably.

"Do you like Baseball?" says Bez curiously.

"No, I prefer basketball dude, I'm Troy Efron, what's your name?" says Troy.

"I'm Bez." says Bez.

"Hey Troy, I'm Keenan, and this is Rachel." says Keenan.

"RAQUEL!" says Raquel angrily.

"Sorry!." says Keenan apologetically.

"Yeah Chris, this season is going to be so amazing!" says Raquel sarcastically.

"Well, we are going to England, and we can drop you off in the jungle, if you'd like." says Chris.

"Uh.. no thanks." says Raquel, now sitting down on the bench by Keenan.

"Alright.. time for the fifth contestant!" says Chris. "Another interesting guy."

"Another guy? Jeez, when do the girls get here?" says Raquel.

"Soon, just shut it and let the episode continue already!" says Chris angrily.

The fifth plabe lands, and a guy with a gray jacket steps out. He pulls out a large stack of comic books from his bag.

"Uh hello... Oz?" says Chris

"Oh, hi Chris, wanna like buy a comic book?" says Oz, bringing a small portion over to Chris.

"Uh... no. Just go chat with the other competitors. Oh by the way, sorry you got cut from that other show dude." says Chris sympathetically.

"Uh... it's okay. I heard it's fan versus favorties now." says Oz.

"Oz! Hey man, how've ya been?" says Keenan, greeting him with excitement.

"Not much... working at my comic book story, I've closed it for eight weeks so I could be on here... like I hope win now. How about you buddy?" says Oz.

"Not much, besides kicking back and surfing!" says Keenan excitedly.

"Like cool!" says Oz.

"So I assume you two were both on Total Drama Tokyo, the original season? You guys have such lives." says Raquel sarcastically.

"Yep." says Keenan.

"Jeez, I wonder who'll come up next." says Chris.

The sixth plane arrives, and a girl with a striped white shirt and jeans hop down. She seems to be glaring at her phone.

"Sorry, but we don't allow electronics, buh-bye phone." Chris rudely says, throwing the girl's phone into the trash can.

"Hey! How dare Jennifer Lopez top one of my videos! That is just shameful!" says The Girl with the white striped shirt.

"So is you entire outfit." says Raquel snidely.

"Everyone, please welcome Christina." says Chris.

"Christina!" says Keenan gleefully.

"Did you seriously pick half the cast from the cut contestants from Total Drama Tokyo?" says Raquel.

"Hey Keenan! Hey Oz!" says Christina, greeting her fellow ex-competitors.

"Hey! You're on youtube! How does it feel to be live on tv? Pretty cool right? Huh? Huh?" says Bez.

"Uh... yeah." says Christina.

"Oh my gosh, it's my singing idol! I'm Troy, nice to meet you!" says Troy gleefully.

"As much as I'd love to make you guys suffer, I'd like to introduce the next contestant!" says Chris excitedly.

"Yeah, cause listening to you host tv is so horrifying, you're like, the greatest host ever Chris!" says Oz. "Like, now buy a comic book!"

"Next please!" Chris says, slowly moving away from Oz.

The seventh plane lands on Raquel, accidentally breaking her arm. A girl with a silver vest and skinny jeans steps out of the plane, noticing Raquel's feet.

"Uh.. is she okay?" Troy asks.

"No.. my arm's broken!" Raquel screams.

"Everyone, meet the next contestant, Melissa!" says Chris, signaling the paramedics to take Raquel away.

"Thanks a lot Melissa!" says Raquel, while being carried away on a gurney to the medical tent.

"Melissa, you just became my best friend." says Troy, pointing to the medical tent.

"Uh... I didn't do that on purpose." says Melissa.

"Oh... the next contestant has arrived already!" says Chris, pointing to a scrawny figure on a motorcycle.

"Woo-hoo!" The boy says. "I'm Milo, nice to meet you all, AAAAHHHHHH!"

"Ouch... nice entrance Milo!" says Chris, giving him a thumbs up.

"Thanks." Milo says, brushing off his pants. "Minus me breaking the airport's wall, I liked the entrance too!"

"Milo!" says Keenan. "I think Raquel may have been right!"

"Yeah.. Like I kinda feel bad for her.." says Oz.

"She was pretty mean though. Right? Right? Right? Am I right?" says Bez, glancing at Milo's hair.

"Well I thought she'd be nicer and so did Chef. But no, she has to be crabby like Gwen!" says Chris grimly.

"She is kinda mean." Troy adds. "She laughed when that crabby old lady threw a tomato in my hair!"

"Well anyways, time to meet the ninth contestant!" says Chris.

"Cool.. so where is he?" Melissa asks.

"Aah.. there's the plane!" says Chris, pointing to a plane landing.

The plane lands, and a boy with black hair and piercings takes out a lighter, and ingnites a plane.

"Dude!" says Chris angrily. "You just burned one of my best planes! You're disqualified!"

"Meh.. whatever. Just have my twin, Scar compete instead. He's the one who auditioned." The boy says.

"Hey Chris." says Scar. "Want some hair gel? They're selling it in stores now!"

"Really? Awesome! I was running out. I mean, it takes me two hours to get my hair like this. Thanks!" Chris says excitedly.

Chris dips his fingers and puts it in his hair.

"Hahaha!" says Scar, smirking. "Classic!"

"Ew what is this?!" says Chris, smelling the hair gel. "It smells like deer pee!"

"Because it is!" says Scar, now smiling.

"Gross! My beautiful hair- it's ruined!" Chris says, smacking his head.

"Aah... that was truly classic!" says Troy.

"Ooh great, it's one of those jocks." says Scar, now frowning.

"Anyways." Chris says curtly. "Meet our tenth contestant, Phillip!"

The next plane lands, and a boy with a red shirt hops out.

"Hey! Is Tess here!?" says Phillip.

Just after that, another plane lands, and a girl with a short dress hops out. She notices Phillip and gasps.

"Tess!?" says Phillip.

"Hey Phillip." says Tess, glaring at Chris.

"What are you glaring at me for?" Chris says, folding his arms.

"You lied about Phillip!" says Tess angrily.

"Yeah, so? I'm Chris McLean, not DJ!" says Chris.

"You know her?" says Oz, to Phillip.

"Yeah.." Phillip replies.

"How?" Christina asks.

"We're married." says Phillip.

"How?" Bez asks.

"In Vegas, a year ago." says Phillip. "She lied about being pregnant."

"Uh.." says Bez. "Sorry bro."

"Hey! You stopped being annoying!" says Troy gleefully.

"What? Do you like baseball?" says Bez.

"Tess, we signed you on to reunite you and Phillip.. but as usual, you're recking it!" says Chris.

"Did I ask to be reunited with sir creeps a lot?" says Tess, angrily. "No."

"Uh.. okay." says Chris. "Time introduce the next contestant."

The next plane lands, and a girl with red hair and a blue cardigan walks out. She smiles, "Hey Chris!"

Jane, meet your contestants." says Chris, crossing his arms. "Great, we signed on another Zoey."

The camera turns over to Raquel, rolling a wheelchair up the sidewalk.

"I thought you only broke your arm.." says Christina suspiciously.

"No, I broke my leg when the plane landed on them! Doc said I should be fine, though. No thanks to Melissa." says Raquel grimly, shooting daggers in Melissa's direction.

"Wow, I'm number twelve to arrive." says Jane. "Hi I'm Jane, nice to meet everyone."

"I'm Bez.. do you like baseball?" asks Bez.

"Enough with the baseball already!" The others shout simultaneously.

"I'm Melissa, nice to meet you Jane." says Melissa, greeting her.

"Yeah, and I'm Christina." Christina adds.

"And I'm fabulous!" says Tess.

"That's a matter of opinion." says Raquel, rolling her eyes.

"Wow, you've been here like, five minutes and you've already lied tiwce." says Phillip, stomping his foot. "And you didn't file for divorce either!"

"Whatever, Phillip." says Tess, giving him a nasty glare.

"It's time to meet our thirteenth contestant!" says Chris.

Another plane lands, and girl with a cowboy hat and blonde hair steps out. She attempts to pull her skirt down but accidentally pulls up her shirt instead.

"AHH! I'm blind!" says Phillip.

"I've never seen so much fat in my life, and I've seen a lot of fat!" says Oz.

"HUH!? It's you!" Tess gasps in terror.

"Please welcome.." says Chris, dragging it on.

"Bess!?" says Tess, still in shock. "What're you doing here?! Is Arianna okay?!"

"Hi Stacey, or should I say Tess. You're married now, hmm?" says Bess, slapping Tess repeatedly.

"Uhm, I'm... I'm... I'm.. I'm seperated!" says Tess, thinking of an excuse.

"No we're not, we're seperated, now where's our baby Tess?" says Phillip.

"Oh, it's in Tennesse with our momma and pappy. Cute little Arianna is almost two years old!" says Bess.

"No way, hey Bess!" says Keenan, greeting his fellow ex-competitor.

"Keenan!? Christina!? Oz?! Milo!? Wow, there's a lot of us here, YEE-HAW!" says Bess.

"Hey, Bess!" says Keenan, smiling.

"Keenan!" says Bess excitedly.

"So.. how about them Packers?" says Bez, rolling his eyes.

"They suck, like you." says Raquel snidely.

"At least I don't blow, like you!" Bez retorts.

"Alright," says Chris, "time to meet the fourteenth contestant."

Another plane lands, and a boy with red hair, a gray lab coat and tan pants hops off. He briefly nods in Chris's direction, and sits on a bench.

"Quincy, ya gonna say anything dude?" says Chris.

Quincy merely shakes his head and opens a book on "How to Create a Nuclear Bomb"

"Like, hey Quincy." says Oz.

"Hey, Quincy! Boy, Chris should have named this Total Drama Rejects! There's so many of us here, I'm shocked Ari and Roz aren't here, I miss them." says Bess sadly.

Quincy waves at them, and continues to read his book.

"What a boring dude." says Raquel.

"Definitely." Melissa nods.

"Time to meet the fifteenth contestant." says Chris.

A police car pulls up, and an old woman with gray hair, and an orange jumpsuit hops off. An overweight police officer removes her cuffs and glares at Chris, "You didn't ask us back for this season, either."

"Uhh..." says Chris, shoving the police officer back into the car.

The police officer rolls down the window, "He'll starve you all! Oh, a hot dog! I entered a hot dog eating contest. Owen eat two-hundred hot dogs. Well, a hundred ninety-eight actually, because the last two squirted back up Owen's nose. Well, bye!"

"My god, that car smelled like crap. Now where the hell am I? Damn, these judges have no clue what they're doing, putting an old lady like me, on one of those crappy reality shows." The woman shoves Chris out of the way and sits down.

"Everyone, meet Melinda." says Chris, rubbing his elbow.

"It's Madea!" says Madea, flipping Chris off.

"Okay..." says Tess.

"I think we got the wrong prisoner." says Chris. "But anyways, it's time to meet our next contestant, Lucky!"

"Is he a dog?" Raquel smirks.

"Shut the heil up and let him introduce the next contestant." says Madea.

The next plane lands, and a chubby boy with blonde hair, a blue shirt, and skinny jeans hops off the plane.

"Two words, nice pants." says Tess, giggling.

"I love Total Drama!" says Lucky.

"See, I love this guy. All of you could learn something from him. Well, maybe not Raquel or Tess." says Chris.

"Why? Does he do sucky hosting for five years too?" says Raquel.

"No, he appreciates my hosting, unlike you." says Chris.

"Whatever." says Raquel.

"Time to meet our next contestant, Caterina!" says Chris, cueing the next plane.

The plane lands, and a girl with red hair, a light blue cami and yoga pants hops out. She giggles and brushes her hair back.

"Dang, that girl is hawt!" says Bez.

"Hehe, who?" says Caterina, with a confused look on her face. "Oh wait, you're talking about me! Hehe, thanks!"

"Oh my god, we've got a dizzy redhead, a old lady, an overweight comic guy, a pathological liar, a nice guy, a goth, an annoying girl, and me." says Raquel grimly.

"We don't have a goth." says Scar.

"I was talking about you, piercings." says Raquel.

"I have a piercing on my belly-button, ya'll wanna see?" says Bess, lifting up her shirt.

"No, I can't take seeing anymore fat today! I've seen enough already! My eyes, my eyes!" Melissa screams.

"Fine, fine." says Bess, pulling her shirt back down.

"After that horrific moment, lets introduce the next contestant." says Chris, glaring at Bess.

The next plane lands, and a boy with brown hair, a blue shirt, and nike shorts hops off. He drops about seventeen bags onto the ground, and glares at Chris.

"What BM?" says Chris.

"You really expected us to be brought here in a crappy plane?" says BM, spraying disinfectant spray everywhere.

"Like, what is that horrid smell?" says Oz, choking.

"It's air freshner!" says BM, spraying Oz with disinfectant spray.

"Hehe, you're name is BM, like bowel movements!" says Milo.

"No, I was named after Billy Mays, but my real name is Barty Martin, BM for short." says BM.

"Hehe, bowel movements." says Phillip.

"Shut up, geek." says BM, spraying Phillip with disinfectant spray

"Okay, time to meet our next contestant." says Chris, cueing the next plane.

The plane lands, and a girl with blonde hair, and a really short blue dress hops off. She struts towards Chris, but accidentally slips on the sidewalk.

"Ow!" The girl yells.

"Ya alright, Mary Sue?" says Chris, trying to hold in laughter.

"Oh shut up, McLean." says Mary Sue, giving him a nasty glare.

"AH! She has germs now from the sidewalk!" says BM, spraying Mary Sue with disinfectant spray.

"AUGH! Dweeb!" says Mary Sue, brushing off her pants. She takes BM's can of disinfectant spray and sprays it into his eyes.

"Ugh, time to introduce the next contestants," Chris says. "Meet rappers Nicki and Wazz Khalifa!"

A plane appears, and a girl with pink hair, a really small pink shirt, and a black, tight skirt holds a microphone. She glares at the boy, who wears a cap, a black shirt and pants. They begin to sing, and then another plane comes in close behind.

"Oh great, the last contestant came in too early." says Chris grimly.

"Horace, hurry up and get me there! I need as much screentime as possible!" The girl screams.

"Miss Crystalia, I can't get there fast enough because there's another plane in the way!" says Horace.

"Give me that," says Crystalia, taking the steering wheel on the plane. "I want more screentime, or my daddy will fire you!"

"Wait, Miss Gates, you don't know how to steer a plane!" says Horace, grabbing the wheel again.

"Uh, Nicki, there's a plane right behind us." says Wazz Khalifa, pointing to the mirror.

"Oh, S@!#." says Nicki.

"I'm going to ram into them, right now! Nobody steals my screentime!" says Crystalia, steering the plane into the one in front.

"What was that?!" Nicki screams.

Crystalia rams into their plane, and they both explode.

"Well, um, stay tuned on Total... Drama.. England. Medics!" says Chris, signing off the show.